Yesterday, I slightly shake off, not sleeping well and waking up from bad dreams about a restaurant I use to work for, because it’s a new day and I want to look up nice nail salons open on Sundays, so myself and two young ladies who are precious to me can get our nails done. I go grab my computer and a cup of green tea and get comfy in bed.
Wouldn’t you know, the freaking computer freezes up?! I hear myself mutter a couple of choice words, toss it on the bed and get up and go get the iPad because I don’t have the patience to restart and probably restart again, a slow aging computer.
Okeydokey. iPad turned on. Set up in its easel smart case thing. I type nail salons in Google, and no words are filling in. What the Hell. I see there is no light on the Bluetooth keyboard shining, so I press the button about three times as hard as possible to connect the keyboard and it blinks eternally.
WAIT! WAIT! TIME OUT! Okay, Okay, I know technology is frustrating at times. But really, it’s not that big of deal. RIGHT?
I am really grateful that I now CAN ACTUALLY STOP AND save this day and not let it spiral out of control in destructive ways because meaningless things go wrong. I now mostly remember to go, okay, why I am feeling this way? As soon as I asked this, I got my answer. This awful Snookie (sorry Snookie, I’m sure you’re lovely) looking human being that I waited on yesterday accompanied by two other ladies and three young children, had me upset. She was horribly demanding before I even said hello, my name is… Let’s call her Rochelle, ordered a Bloody Mary with four modifications from the Make Your Own Bloody Mary Bar Menu. I explained extra nicely that I bring her the glass of vodka and pointed out where the Bloody Mary Bar was. You would think that with how precise she wanted her drink made, she would have been happy to make her own. OH NO, with an appalled I do not get my own stuff look. I will be waited on hand and foot. She said loudly, “I’m not making my own Bloody Mary.” Her friend who had a not again look, embarrassingly said, “I’ll make it for you.” And that is only the beginning of the mean talking down to me. Even after I gave her every request she rudely asked for she still could not be nice and they were not easy. She had five; and not exaggerating, five modifications for a salad she ordered. She actually got up and went to the Bloody Mary bar. I gave her a side plate because she did not want the garnish in her drink. She put all twenty hand stuffed bleu cheese olives on her plate (twelve were not consumed). Plus, celery and pickled okra. She let her children run amok and make a mess. She needed three other condiments for her salad when it came. (Which BTW is fine, just be nice about it). And etc. And to top it off, she wrote the service was horrible.
I realize since last night every time I would think of what happened; thoughts crossed my mind over and over. Why didn’t I tell her off? Did I do something wrong? How can someone be so mean to someone being so nice to them? Could have I found a way to befriend her and “fix her.”
From listening to lectures, podcasts and lots of reading by teachers, from Maryanne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Brooke Castillo (The Life Coach School), Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, Gabby Bernstein, Brené Brown, etc.… and now also the school I am attending Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN). I now know that circumstances will lead to feelings, but we can change our feelings by changing our thoughts.
Brooke Castillo teaches, “Circumstances can trigger Thoughts. Thoughts cause feelings. Feelings cause actions. Actions cause results”. These results can be wholesome or regretful, depending on how we think. If we consciously remember to change our thoughts, we can keep calm and not take other people’s crap personally.
1. Remind yourself that “that was then, and this is now”. You can’t turn back the clocks and change what happened.
2. Permit yourself to experience and name the feelings you are grappling with (regret, guilt, disappointment, humiliation, grief, shame, woe, etc.) – then make the decision to release those feelings. Like letting go of a helium balloon. In the end, it’s unhealthy not only for your mind, but your body to become attached to them.
3. Truthfully, this next piece of advice, I probably did not take at the time, but it has always resonated with me.
When I was a teenager, I was extremely pissed that my best friend lied and told another friend I was talking trash about her. I exclaimed, “I will never speak to her again”. My mother said something like, “Before you do that, just remember, people act the way they do because of the issues they are going through. They may be actually needing a friend right now and do not know how to ask for it.”
This Rochelle… who knows maybe she’s a scroned single mother, stressed out and struggling. It could be anything. I am now glad, I stayed on my best behavior and did not curse her out and cause more problems. In the past, I probably would have said something rude trying to prove a point. Then after work, drink a couple cocktails because I “need it”, instead of want it.
Unfortunately, with how busy the restaurant was, I could not befriend her. But fixing her is not my or anyone else’s responsibility.
4. Let’s say you did react. Remind yourself that “it was what you did, it’s not who you are.” Don’t allow any single event or experience to define you. You are more than – so don’t let that become your identity, or your destiny.
Give yourself the gift of a new day and a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.
How would you have dealt with this situation or other difficult situations? Let me know in the comments.
Peace my friends.